in the nba induction, it had to be hard for enm (everyone not michael), his induction was so big that they couldn't hold the ceremony on site at the hall of fame and had to rent out a facility and charged $1,000 a ticket. this was the pinnacle of every ones hard work and the cherry on top of a long and arduous career and everyone was taking a backseat to michael. they knew it, michael knew it and everyone there knew it. in fact, the ceremony has never been shown on tv and this one was shown in prime time on espn. the michael factor. imagine the conversation that may have happened between john stockton and his kids:
"dad, congrats on the hall of fame, you're now among the greatest ever. sorry you never won a championship, but you are now enshrined among the gods of the game and we are very proud of you. do you know if we're going to be sitting near michael? do you think he'll sign my ticket? oh, is that charles barkley?"
then on sunday, mtv held their annual event to pretend that they still care about the art of the music video. to their defense they still do show videos. during the hours of 3 am - 3:30 am, sandwiched between the shows real world mars and i'm still a jackass, you may catch a clip of a video. ironically, the "award" show only had a handful of awards, most of them were given the standard award show disclaimer..."awards given last night at a special ceremony went to...", this allowed them to do more of what mtv does well which was everything but show music videos.
they kicked off the night with a tribute to michael jackson...warning, warning, an off subject rant about to ensue
i get it, he was great and a worldly icon, but to say that the entire night was dedicated to him and his life and to just sandwich the show with him was not a dedication. madonna was great, she's an icon as well and can probably relate to what he went through but her speech was more about her than him. the dancing was cool but the only way that anyone will celebrate him was to imitate his dancing so it really wasn't anything new. then janet came out and performed a bit of the song "scream", the only duet they did together, that was cool but the fact that they only made one song together, albeit not a great one, so it left little to get excited about. then radio silence until the end when they showed the trailer for his upcoming movie. so what was billed as a celebration of his life ended up being a 10 min song and dance in the beginning and a promotional spot for the movie? i spent more time celebrating his life loading his songs to my ipod than mtv did.
okay, i feel a lot better. back to the awards. as you all know, the first award went to taylor swift and kanye west stole the light by taking her mic and going on his own little rant on how she didn't deserve the award. jon and kate gosselin would need to release a sex tape that featured jon hooking up with lindsey lohan while kate was complaining that he wasn't doing it right to have better drama than what kanye did. kanye stole her acceptance, beyonce gave it back and taylor swift quickly became america's sweat heart and probably sold more music this week after than her entire career.
so those two events got me thinking. acceptance speeches should be an art form that are meticulously thought of, rehearsed and has meaning. this may be the only time you're on the stage where the world has casted their eyes and ears on you. you'll be lucky to have minutes of time at the podium to thank people, share your ego, show off your cleavage and say something witty. that's a lot of pressure for a few minutes. then you have to deal with emotions, not tripping while walking, the beautiful trophy girls standing behind you, the prompter telling you to hurry up, trying to act sober, forgetting to thank mom or showing sweat marks. too much pressure to be under.
then i got to thinking that acceptance speeches should be realized across all fields and throughout everyday jobs. everyone who has excelled in their field should have the chance to have the lights on them, a microphone and two minutes of utter nervousness. so i thought, what would an acceptance speech sound like at...
cable tv award show - best cable repair person
"wow, i totally didn't expect this. i wake up everyday saying that there are hundreds of people in my territory that missed out on dancing with the stars last night or had to hear about the outfit lauren conrad wore on the hills because their cable was out and it's up to me to make sure they don't miss tonight's premiere of bones. we get a bad rap for giving a four hour window of service and customers don't care what happens before i get to them, so i have to make sure that when i am there, that i give them the best cable repair i can. i'll use the better coaxial wires, change the batteries in their remote, i'll even tell them that the best hours for soft core porn are between 2 - 3 am on cinemax. i'd like to thank bob my supervisor who taught me the one handed cable cutting method that saves minutes during installation, jenny my first customer who thanked me with a ham sandwich and capri sun because i was doing her service during my lunch hour and my wife annie who has been by my side ever since we went from rabbit ears antenna to 100 hd channels and pay per view. thank you"
garbage collector awards - best dumper
"holy shit, thank you. this was not expected, i mean charlie has been on his route for more than 20 years and he is the standard that we all look to, he was the one that mastered the scoop and dump method that saves time and allows the trucks to keep moving and never stop, i'm grateful that he taught me that, charlie, this ones for you. i'd like to thank mrs. wright on summit ave, she always double bags with heavy duty liners and warns me when she puts her kitty litter in the bag so i can be more careful on how i load it into the truck. i'd like to thank mack, he's the best driver anyone can have, riding on the back of that rig isn't easy and mack knows when to speed up and slow down, when i need to hurry and when i need a break, mack you're an ambassador this and the garbage world owes you a thank you, you'll always be the best in receiving my dump. and lastly i'd like to thank my pops, it was at a young age when we were walking together and i carelessly tossed a candy wrapper on the floor and he chastised me by telling me that someone has to pick that up, you were right pop, someone has to pick that up and this ones for you."
weed award for rookie of the year dealer
"dude, way fucking cool. wow. when i was seven years old i would buy packs of gum for .50 cents and sell individual sticks for .10 each and then moved to selling sodas, then cans of beer, i knew that i had a knack for selling shit. when a friend asked me to take a toke from my j, i said sure, give me a buck first, that was when i realized that i can make money selling puffs for those that can't afford the whole j. so that led to the community j and i was making a killing on each puff which led to the multi-puff program i created that charged people $20 for a 25 puff punch card, so anytime they saw me and wanted a puff i would just punch their card and give them a puff. totally rocked out on that one. i want to thank...ha ha, dude i forgot who else i want to thank, where am i?"
cab drivers award show - driver of the year
"thank you, this is a huge honor. about five years ago i was just a girl driving my family around in my car making sure they got to where they need to get to, safe, on time and in a clean car, they would pay me in gas money and an occasional beer for the ride but i never thought that i could make a living out of it. for the last two years i became a cab driver in a male dominated world, as a female i am part of 2% of drivers that are female, with close to 50,000 cabs in nyc alone it's tough to survive. i pride myself in knowing the streets and having a fresh pine scent at all times, turning off that annoying tv that only causes motion sickness when riders watch it. i live by one motto that i recite everyday, you have an option, you can put yourself and your junk in his trunk which is dirty, smelly and don't know what else has been in there or you can get into mine which smells fresh, is clean and no matter how long we are together, you'll know that i was the best ride you ever had. thank you.
now wouldn't the world be a better place if we celebrated the best in all walks of life and give them their moment to shine and be thankful? i started to write what my thank you speech would be but i'm in the fourth hour of the four hour window waiting for my cable guy and he just arrived.
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