Exhale

Another year, another time to reflect, celebrate, forget or look forward to another one. Before we jump at the opportunity to welcome better times than we had this year, I wanted to share a story from the other night that put perspective on things but more importantly taught me how to exhale...

The other day, I volunteered a full day at a homeless shelter, a man, whom I've seen before at the shelter, walked in to get dinner and as I was cleaning up, I struck a conversation with him. He had a job that the shelter helped him get, he lives in the inner city with his wife and two kids. He said he comes to the shelter every morning before work to get breakfast, they pack him a lunch and comes back at night for dinner before going home. He's not making a ton of money but enough to have a home and food on the table. He said that the money isn't enough to feed the entire family, so he eats at the shelter so he doesn't have to take food from the family. When he gets home, he'll sit at the dinner table with the family and watch them eat while he asks his kids about school and his wife about her day. He tries his best to make a normal situation out of an abnormal circumstance. Then he takes out the Twinkie that was packed into his lunch provided by the shelter and they cut it into four pieces so the family can have dessert together.

Although he compromises his pride and ego to eat three squares a day at a homeless shelter, the return he gets when his two girls smile when they hear the rattle of the Twinkie wrapper in his pocket is worth the trials of his days. That one bite of Twinkie that he gets is his normalcy. It's his only oasis of the day. A college educated man, who used to be in corporate America and now works odd and end jobs as a carpenter, plumber, custodian and dishwasher found peace in a bite of a Twinkie with his family. There was a time they dined at the best restaurants, all the concierge's in Boston knew his name, his cars had heated seats and his furniture were all imported. His wife was a socialite and he wore custom tailored suits. Some would say, that was the life to live. Then it crashed and he lost everything.

There's a line that says "you never know how high you can go until you hit rock bottom". He was so low that he looked up at rock bottom. But he didn't give up, he didn't get depressed nor did he let it show to his family. They sold everything, both got jobs doing anything that kept a roof, food for their kids and clothes on their backs. He said that every night before he goes to bed, he and his wife let out a big exhale. Release. Another day. They never say it could be worse or hate that it is bad. They just exhale...

I'm in no way saying our life's problems are comparable to others. But our perspective may be. I've lived a very fortunate and lucky life that as an adult my worries aren't life-threatening or a matter of survival, but Jerry's story isn't meant to feel bad for him, he hates it when people feel bad for him, he believes that he should earn everything he gets and will work for life's rewards. But in the handful of times I've seen him, he's never down on himself, he always has a smile as if he won the lottery and his courtesy and respect for all people of all paths is his currency. For that, he is rich beyond means.

So tomorrow as with every new years eve, I will celebrate the ending and coming of a new year and like every one before that, I will also celebrate my birthday. There will be much fun, alcohol, laughs and even a few stories not worth repeating, but nowhere will I take for granted the days that are given to me and the people close to me, nor will I lose perspective on what's important.

Before Jerry left the shelter that night to go home to have dessert with his family, I said that I hope to see him again and hear how he's doing. He said "I hope I don't see you again, because if you don't see me, that means we're fine."

That got me...

I shook his hand and regretted not telling him that he is the model of strength we all should aspire to. Regretted not telling him that there's a sense of saintliness that exudes from him. I did tell him that he was a good man and his family should be proud to have him as a husband and father. He then told me "no, they are the good ones, they don't judge me or us and don't let our situation take us down, they keep my spirits up and they trust that we'll get through it."

Again, that got me...

As he walked away, I heard the faint rustle of the Twinkie wrapper in his coat pocket and shouted "enjoy dessert", he turned and said "we always do" and just as he was turning to walk away, he exhaled and winked.

Too Many Thanks

We teach kids at a very young age to be polite, wash their hands, cover their mouths when they sneeze, say hello, give a hug goodbye and always always say thank you. As they get older, they start to lose what they've been taught. As teens they sneeze and cough without covering their mouths, as adults they just take what they want without asking or saying please and the words thank you, only come out for one day a year.

Thanksgiving

You gotta love what Facebook has done for manners. I've had more people post a happy birthday on Facebook the last few years than I've had said to me in person throughout my entire life (put it this way, it's been more than 30 years). I don't even know some of the people that post on my wall!

And on Thanksgiving, everyone feels the need to list out things they are thankful for as if it's a list of todo's. No, I'm not being a curmudgeon. I am very thankful for a lot of things and as with every year and every person, we all go through our own trials and tribulations and should be thankful for things. So like Wheel of Fortune, when they throw out the most common letters S, N, T, E and R before they start, I'll throw out the most common "thanks" as well, health, job, friends, family...

But where's the balance? Where's the excitement and the other things we are thankful for? I was pretty thankful for the broken parking meter, the girl that finally said yes, homemade lemoncello, when the cashier gave me an extra $10 in change, the hole in my sock that didn't get bigger, no kids that called me daddy or came looking for child support, not getting a dirty needle when I had surgery, the public restroom that had toilet paper the day after I had taco's and being an Asian who knows how to drive.

But not everything is all unicorns and rainbows. There's always something that can be better. To balance the overwhelming thanks sent around the world this week, I've put my list of things I'm not thankful for.

TSA Agents

We get attacked by terrorists on our home field and our only answer is hourly workers more concerned over when their break time is, that my toothpaste is over its size limit and that I don't have more than two bags with me. And now we award them with a free feel-up session while we stand there half naked with our hands behind our heads, last time I was in that position I got a steak dinner out of it or had to leave money on the nightstand. No thanks to them.

Justin Bieber

There's enough reason to hate him only because he's from Canada. But in a recent concert in Boston, he had the rocks to wear a Yankees cap and Lakers jersey while performing. If the screaming pre-pubescent teen girls had enough sense to see beyond his lego hair, they would realize that he was actually making fun of them. Even Jay Z wore a Red Sox cap when he played in Boston and everyone knows he's NYC to death, but he also knows how not to shit where he eats. The turd even put lyrics in a song poking fun at Tom Brady. Does he realize that Brady is dating Giselle, a super model while Bieb's has play dates with 10 year olds that are still being dressed by their parents. No thanks.

Stop Clicking on Things

Okay, so this may be a bit hypercritical, because in order for you to be reading this, you would've had to click onto it. But if you get an email that says you can see who's looking at your profile, last longer, get a free Macy's gift card, free little Timmy or donate your eye balls to Jane stop clicking on those things. Let's say I asked you to walk down a dark alley and someone will give you a free "handy", by doing it, it's as if you clicked onto a link and all you get out of it is a virus. No thanks.

Sarah Palin

We are fascinated by watching her daughter dance and now we can't stop watching her in a reality show. Did we forget how close we were to having her as the second highest ranking leader of the most powerful country in the world? So let's give her more support now and make her really popular so if she runs in 2012 for the big seat, she might win? I'm working on my Canadian citizenship just in case. No thanks.

So what are you not thankful for? Loud cell phone talkers? Bluetooth earpiece users when they're not even on the phone? People that sing songs and don't even know the words? Ke$ha? Line cutters? Asian drivers (yes, I can say that, but you can't)?

See you in Xmas where instead of giving gifts, I'll be taking things from people I don't like.

Life, Laughter and Chicken Wings

I've had a lot of time on my hands the last few months going through three back surgeries over the course of two months. While laid up on pain killers, feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I'll ever walk without looking like I just rode a horse across the country, I had plenty of time to pontificate a lot of things. Most importantly, the most vital things that matter.

Life

We've heard all the cliches about when it throws you a curveball, when you get lemons, if it doesn't kill you or making the most of it. All easier said than done. For more than four months, I couldn't get out of bed or walk without excruciating pain shooting down my right leg. So debilitating that I would have to stop my car every 100 yards and get out to subdue the pain from sitting in the drivers seat. Believe when I say that no cliche can ever make that nightmare go away or make me feel that life is still good.

Then I had the surgeries. What was supposed to be a simple back surgery ended up to be three so called simple surgeries due to various complications. So how do you like those lemons now?

I was told to stop with the sob stories when asked how I felt. I was told that it's all mental and to stay positive. When the hospital knows you more than your own friends, there's little room in that glass for positivity.

So here I sit a day after my third surgery, trying to keep up my spirit and all I hear is the song "Break my stride" streaming through my head because I've been told to stay positive. Well enough of that BS, because positive isn't where I'm at. I'm at the corner of WTF and why me. Because enough is enough. It's no longer a pity party, it's now about putting the women and children to bed and going out to get some fuckin dinner. It's past the hour of looking up to the sky hoping for some divine intervention, but the time now is about getting off my ass and getting something done. There are no more excuses, no more reasons, no more feeling sorry for myself. It's the "if you want it done right you have to do it yourself" time.

So I've stopped the meds, force myself to work my back more than I was told and using resting as the excuse to be a loser. I'm going back to the playing field and getting back into the play and if I can't, then I'm taking my ball home.

Life isn't what you make of it, it's what you do when it kicks your ass. When things are good in health or love, we appreciate life. We see beauty in things we never would've looked at before. But when either of those go the other way, well then we blame everything but ourselves. We are human after all and why would we admit fallibility? But once you do... You'll learn a little bit about yourself and that's what life is about.

Laughter

I learned a few years ago the power of laughter. Someone infused the subtle smile and giggle into my life and its healing power was euphoric. The problem I had was that I didn't appreciate its power until the smiles were no longer and the laughter's were silent. So laugh and smile. You'll love it so much more when you realize how special they are.

Chicken Wings

At what point did someone think the arms of a chicken would become such a widely eaten and cult following? I mean, the arms of nothing else is as sacred and revered as the chicken wing. Whether fried, roasted or grilled, we all have a fascination for the chicken wing. I only add this in because to me, part of understanding life and laughter involved a large bucket of chicken wings. And after that bucket, everything was slightly clearer.

Life's Too Easy

sorry, the alarm clock never went off so i've been asleep for that last five months and never got around to writing anything. but that doesn't mean that life never happened. in fact too much of life has happened.

i was very lucky this holiday and received the nook (ebook reader) as a gift. well i haven't received it yet because it was back ordered due to its popularity but if there's something that makes you wait two months to get because it's sold out, it must be good. i thought of all the cool things i can do with this new toy. like read. and reading. and read some more. then the actuality of why i was so excited for this thing set in. i was excited because i didn't like carrying books in my bag, i felt that books took up valuable space and if you travelled as much as i did, you realize that space in a bag is worth more than the cologne weighing more than 3.4 ounces you snuck by the airport security. so to me, this new toy was going to revolutionize my travelling habit. it was going to be a gamechanger. where in reality it just said i was too lazy to carry a book. am i going to read more? i've probably finished a total of three books in the last three years, shit, i've probably finished three magazines in the last year. i have trouble finishing someones 140 character tweet.

while i was asleep for the last few months, we've seen the demise of jay leno and his "fail-proof" primetime show. in fact the amount of time it took you to read about him in this blog was just about the same amount of time his show lasted.

kudos to conan who stood his ground and refused to take a back seat to jay and move the time of his show. sure, conan isn't doing too well in that slot but let him dig himself out, don't penalize him for someone elses failures. and being successful in the late night game is few and far between, there are less than a handful that can do it and the late night graveyard of hosts spans the who's who of society. remember when carson daly was on trl and was fighting away all the hotties who wanted him, then last call with carson and now he can't even get a stripper to give him a free lap dance.

and now on a serious note. the world is buzzing about the tragic earthquake in haiti. i don't want to sit here and preach and pontificate about it but i'm amazed how society has turned into a central casting call when called upon. within hours every blog, tweet, facebook status and any soapbox someone could stand upon was flooded with well wishes. but the important thing wasn't the sympathy that was shared but the call to action that people did. most of us remember a time when we had to write a check, put a stamp on it and send our donation in and wonder if it got to where it was supposed to and supported what we intended it to support. now. just text a word to a short code and your phone bill will be billed. amazing.

as of this minute more than $3 million has been raised and the US was the first country to respond, perhaps learning from the disastrous katrina response or just having sincere compassion? either way, a call to arms was raised and we acted. this outpouring doesn't make me proud to be an american but proud to be a human being. over the next few weeks we'll hear more horror stories, see more traumatic photos and read about the tales that are happening, we'll probably have a few celebrity induced commercials and even a charity concert, those are standard fares in times like this. but i hope the speed to act is not an anomaly.

now on a not so serious topic...

nba basketball player for the washington wizards, gilbert arenas, was suspended by the league for having a gun in the locker room and allegedly pulling it out on a teammate.

this is the same player that years ago would play online poker in the locker room at halftime of games. the same one that signed a contract that still owes him in excess of $50 million, the same one nicknamed hibachi. then after this incident, he still has the balls to make a gun slinging gesture?

gilbert, you possess a god given talent to be able to put a ball into the basket, you are college educated and are in the top percentile of income earners in the country and somehow pulling out a gun at your place of employment as a joke is deemed okay? sometimes when we achieve a level of status in life the superman complex sets in. tiger can win any golf tournament he enters so he challenges himself by cheating on his wife with endless amounts of women, michael jordan used to gamble millions in vegas, so gilbert brings a gun to work. it's easy for the peanut gallery to say that if that were us we'd do this or that. but the reality is that it isn't us. the reality is that we worry about our next paycheck, we worry about our friends and family, we worry about saving for a rainy day and what we can afford and can't afford, we worry about traffic and worry about getting a dinner reservation. we wait in lines to get into clubs and no one asks us for autographs. we worry that on any given day our work day may end up with a visit from human resources with a few empty boxes. that worrying prevents us from thinking in a non-rational sense. would i give up a few limbs to be a talented athlete, of course but if that comes with sacrificing my ability to rationalize right from wrong, i'm quite alright with worrying if i'll see human resources in my office tomorrow.

that's a lot to be asleep and miss, i never really got into the tiger woods situation, new years resolution, kanye, avatar, glee or american idol.

i guess i'll take a nap and see what happens.